Letters from January 2025 to Valentine's

Jan 6, 2025
Good morning Ami, I hope you have fun at school. I kinda miss seeing my friends, and I miss seeing you even more. Hope you get home soon.

Jan 8, 2025
So I got home from school and I hope we have a good day today. Sometimes I have a bad habit of letting my emotions get to me and I think it was really apparent yesterday, so I'm still really sorry about that. I also read "The Judgement" by Franz Kafka. I was initially really confused because it just seemed like his father dicking the main character around until he killed himself. But I read something off Google and I totally got it now.

Jan 17, 2025
Hey sorry for not writing a letter for a while, it's been a busy week for the both of us. You're in school right now and I can only wish that you have fun. I hope the thing your mother can be resolved soon. It just seems so unreasonable for someone to react so much JUST from that. It genuinely pisses me off since I've been in that situation numerous times from many different people. I still think about what if I was just born over there instead of here. What kind of people could I have met there? Would I go down a bad path, or would I be the similar to the way I am now? I have this weird feeling we were destined for each other and y'know it's a very nice sentiment.

Jan 18, 2025
Dear Ami, I've seen you so hung up on your mother and honestly I just feel super fucking bad for you. It's actually fucking sickening seeing this all unfold. I hope it will be resolved in the following weekend, I really hate to see you so sad. I'm sorry if we didn't get the time we needed since I had to go out but I hope you see that I tried to make up for it in every way I can. I even ate in public with you. Now if only you were there physically. Now I have a question to ask you. If we were on a date, would you want me to sit in front of you or next to you?

Jan 25, 2025
I haven't been writing letters for a while, probably cause there's been exams in between. Sometimes I feel insecure that you have so much love to give, and sometimes I can't. But I hope you internalize it that I won't leave. It's been quite hard these past couple of months, but we can go through this. I hope we can all look back to this time and see how far we've grown together. I don't want to go through the rest of my life knowing I've failed to live up to my promise to you. I want to be with you, till the end of my life. I've thought about what if I was dead; the things people would say about me. I don't know why, I think it's just because I've been kinda disregarded for most of my childhood for being weird. It feels nice meaning something to people. I just hope you'll remember me for something good. But I hope even more, that you'll be there to make more memories with me. Till death do us part, after all.

Feb 3, 2025
Hello Ami, as of now im in like Mamma Mia practices and yesterday I was reflecting on how everything went that day. It's just that I don't want you to feel the blame all the time. I have my own flaws too, y'know. Angry, impatient, selfish, mean. Yet, I see you constantly telling yourself and me that you are the sole problem, when alot of it has to do with me losing my cool when I didn't need to. I want to change for you as well. I want to last a lifetime, beyond that, and till eternity loses it's meaning.

Feb 14, 2025
Hello. I told you I was resting and that's partially true, but I took some of my time to write you this letter. I can't emphasize enough how sorry I really am. I was acting so shitty last night I still can't fathom it. It hurt my pride and it hurt my ego. I had always thought myself above all of this, but you made me realize who I really am, and who I could be, and who I was. Making you suffer for all those nights, sleeping with a heavy heart. It's completely disappointing. If I saw myself from the past, I'd be disgusted. I just treated you with empathy back then, treated you like I gave a fuck, treated you like I needed you, treated you like I wanted you here. I haven't been doing that for too long, haven't I? I've been pushing you away for too long, the person I love the most. I know you forgive me, but I can't forgive myself right now. But I don't think you really want to see a pity party now. I don't want you to apologize for anything right now. I just want to be with you. I just want to make things right. I just want you back. I just want us back.

I want this to still be a proper Valentine's day, it's the least you deserve to make you feel loved finally. I just want to tell you I admire you so much. You're stronger than you think, you struggle more than you should, because of me or anyone else. I just hope it's worth it, worth struggling for, worth crying for. I love you so much I'd give the whole world to you. I love you so much I'd leave anyone for you. I love you so much I'd kill anyone for you. I don't want this to be just talk anymore. I want to see the stars, I want to get married, walk down with you in the wedding, see the smile in your face without a screen in the way. I want to be your support system, someone you can turn to when all else fails you. I don't want to fail you again just because of my stupid pride. I want you to feel like you deserve it all, deserve my love, deserve the world, deserve other people.

It feels pathetic asking you this, but please don't leave. Maybe there comes a time I might deserve it, but I don't want to be abandoned again. I just want to be together with you again, like it was before. Treat you with basic empathy like it was before. Treat you how you deserve like it was before. I don't want to fucking lose you. I don't want this day to lose it's meaning just because of a petty argument. I want to hold your hands for the first time. I don't care if it could be the fucking last time I want to do it once, feel how your skin feels against mine. Feel how your lips feel against mine. Feel how your voice tingles my ears. This is my life fucking goal I can't just throw it away. I'd be nothing.

There's no one like you in this world. No matter the petty little arugments, no matter how much we get mad at eachother, nothing can change that. You're a wonderful girlfriend. You're patient, you're kind, you're considerate, you're fucking beautiful, you work so hard for everything, you're smart, you're better than me. The amount of effort you put in every word you say, sometimes I envy it. I want to be like you as much as you want to be. So please, I just want us to be us. I just want to be with you. Please. I don't you to feel desperate anymore. I don't want to be perfect I just want to be enough. I'll always love you. Never forget this.